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[Apr. 5th, 2008|01:35 pm] |
Another year, another journey into the great unknown, which I once had all sorted out. After years of tumultuous school work and kick my ass classes, I've decided to go to grad school instead of vet school. If I had only known then what I know now, I could have saved a lot of time and effort on my part and be en route to success at this very moment.
Each event in my life leaves me begging for yet another 'change my life' event. It's like I'm an adrenaline junkie using good times as my nicotine patch.. doesn't make sense, I know. I always seem to find myself drifting, wandering and compulsively trying to break away from one part of my life to another. I literally live for a good time--for better or worse in the end. This, my friends, is no way to be a grown up. One must take off the party hat and throw away those hot high heels, right? I beg the contrary response.
As I turned 23, I could only think of the new cool things I have to look forward to, such as renting a car and taking it for a joy ride when I turn 25, turning the dreaded over the hill 30 and of course, being able to rent a room on my own on a cruise ship. blah, blah, blah .. wtf, I wanna be 21 again!
Another rude awakening, another lesson-- for those who are the stay in one place kinda person--the ones who are afraid to wear mismatching socks, drink someone else's drink or ask a complete stranger to dance, blow 'em all. This world needs the shakers and the rolling stones, such as myself. If not, imagine how bored out of your mind you would be without our eccentric, yet fun personalities?! Maybe one day I'll figure out this whole stay in one place at a time thing, but until then kids, keep ramblin on..
over and out bitches ;-) |
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| Brave New World |
[Sep. 4th, 2007|02:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
Not only is Gainesville one of the greatest places in Florida to get an education, it's one of the greatest places in Florida to get a fuckin ego. Honestly people, when were you made the social elite and since when does everyone have to dress like you, talk like you and be accepted by you. Greek like at the University of Florida is the most mundane, sad and shallow practice of people that I have ever encountered in my life, and I'm from south Florida! I sure thought I had seen it all. They all thrive off one another's gossip and trash talking. They all wear sundresses everywhere they go--yes, even after labor day. You can't go two feet without seeing someone with a pair of topsiders and croakies on their costa del mar sunglasses, it's like a fuckin cult. Absolutely disgusting. Do you think these chicks have ever set a foot on a boat before? Hell no, but they sure rock those topsiders and fishing shirts. I have never been so appalled by such practices EVER before in my life. These people have the ugliest souls I have ever met and they aren't afraid to show their true colors after they find one thing wrong with you.. possibly even the color of your hair. We all know if it's not fried with highlights you suck in their book. So here's to you sundress wearing, vera bradley bag toting, soon to be housewives of America sorority girls. Drink up bitches.
The sad part is that they don't realize that there is a big world out there and it's real. It's not filled with fuckin pink daisies and lily pattern prints everywhere; it will eat you alive. Ten years from now no one will care what greek organization you were in. They're going to want someone to carry their business to the next level, to crunch numbers (yes, math) and to carry the world on their shoulders at the same time; they don't want someone wearing pearls who can barely spell her own name. You all disgust me. I hope the world does eat you alive. And just in case you forgot, you all suck at life. So put on those greek letters because that'll make it all better, won't it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|04:12 pm] |
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well, well, well... hello motherfuckers.. GET A LIFE .. honestly, stop living through my fucking thoughts, emotions and LIFE! stop stalking and STOP HATING.. i speak the truth, sorry if the truth fuckin hurts .. my journal, my throughts, my life .. go yell at someone or something and if you have something to say, stop telling my little sister TELL ME TO MY FACE |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|01:54 pm] |
last night was quite interesting to say the least.. the ex was there with his past ex who is now his current.. im not one for drama so i politely said my hellos and had a hell of a time! i cant help but to wonder if he's really happy.. i hear that they fight and argue all the time and i know he remembers how good he had it with me. in a way, this seems selfish and self rewarding.. im not a vengeful person, but it seems that everyday he has to live with the fact that he's not with me, he's unhappy with her.. is this the silent revenge that i was seeking?
I often find myself wondering.. what if? What if it was the 19th century and people got married very young and divorce was unheard of? Infidelity was almost fatal grounds and the thought of being unhappy in a relationship didn't matter one bit.. the person was your provider--and vice versa. Twenty first century lovers have become more "creative" in many ways than our predecessors... think about it. How many ways do we try to manipulate a spouse or want to seek vengeance on an ex that hurt us beyond words? It happens. It happens to ALL OF US. We, as people with too many emotions, seek drama and seek attention. Throughout this process, it seems as though feelings are set aside and pride reveals the true demon in all of us. If two people are meant to be together and are happy together, why avoid that happiness from your life? Why do we make ourselves suffer? Pride. Either having too much or not having enough, everyone wants to be wanted and loved. Not to put the blame aside, but it's human nature. So, in this, we have all turned into "creative lovers" that are constantly worrying about what the next lover or ex is doing. How can I benefit myself; how can I have the upper hand in this relationship?
Such selfish actions have lead to a world of conniving, manipulative, sour lovers. No one wants sloppy seconds, although, it seems too often that's all we get in love. There's always a past that can't be let go of or that certain someone that cannot refrain from drunken, tacky phone calls early in the morning. So how are we suppose to be happy as a generation of creative lovers? Is is even fully possible? All too often, ignorance is bliss. In love, I would like to be hypnotized to think that everything is sugar coated and that true love really does still exist. |
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| uneventful events |
[May. 24th, 2006|09:10 pm] |
one way or another, I am slowly realizing that everything is just a thing.. every moment in my life, every person, every smile, every laugh, every tear. I'm back home in miami and it's ridiculous how completely different my life is here as opposed to gainesville. the more i think about things, the more i want to go to vet school out of state.. i havent let myself down so far and i want to continue my adventure. it's so awesome to feel accomplished, even if it is just a little bit. what cosummates an accomplished feeling? money, power, beauty, wit, success? so many things have changed in the past month, as my life seems to always be everchanging. back home with the parents is one thing; away from all my friends and gainesville is another. there are moments when i miss the no traffic, logistic, uneventful way of life that gainesville offers.. but then there's miami.. enough said. soo many things are going on right now that it just seems that time is flying by. i am slowly realizing that there are wayy more people out in the world than i had previously limited myself to in the past. ive put the heartbreakers and the haters behind me. im movin on. ive realized that i can be someone on my own; just me, on my own. no man to stand behind me, although, at times, it is very nice.. im keepin on keepin on. that's how it goes.
straight A's last semester heck yes bitches.. takin orgo right now.. got an 85 on my first test, im so proud :-) started workin at houstons it's good shit, trust. michi turned 21 today so we're off to the forge for hopefully some good times. mad love for all of you guys xoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2006|11:00 am] |
sometimes being a chick gets the best of me... i need to RELAX heh
I heart my marcus carcus :-) |
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| he's actin single im drinkin doubles |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|02:52 pm] |
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...are we dreaming the same dream? the worst weekend of my life to say the least. it's so hard to be the one put on the back burner and to be the one who cares more who gives more and who loves more .. when im with one am i suppose to be thinking about a future or should i not be myself and stay where i am right now .. ever since i lost kevin, ive needed to feel some sort of security .. the type of security only a man can offer.. i love you--define. do you love me all the time or just when it's convenient? am i a comfort factor or do you truly miss me? can you see yourself without me? am i a purpose in your life or an accessory? why do i always end up in this sort of situation .. God was suppose to give me someone to love as much as i can love them back .. what do i do now? ..baby it's a rollercoaster and im down right now you're up take it and run with it you're gonna think of me every second when you find your hypothetical miss perfect ive made my mark and ive shared and loved and gave it my all .. balls in your court -- shoot or miss? |
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| fill me in |
[Apr. 5th, 2006|12:31 pm] |
Ladies, are we not on the same team? ..As hard as it is to find a decent man in the first place and triflin bitches can't let you stay happy?! I DON'T GET IT. It's respect ladies; you need to respect one another. When it's clear to see that two people are in a relationship, there should be no intervention beyond any sort of friendship.. not even thoughts.. let me be happy and find your happiness elsewhere.
I don't understand so many things that are going on at this point. It seems as though every day is a venture to better myself--better myself in a way that I will never reach my goal. Whether it be physical, mental or along any line, it seems as though I've already lost the battle. I don't know what page I'm suppose to be on; I'm speaking in relationship terms. I know exactly what the hell I'm suppose to be doing with school and I almost wish I didn't care at this point because it just becomes frustrating... straight A's and a D in orgo WTF? I just feel that I need to be filled in as to whether or not to put my heart out there completely.. The last guy I trusted threw it away and didn't have the decency to love me back. I trust Mark ridiculously, but I don't know if we're on the same page. I'm pretty sure I want so much in my future with him and I don't know what his plans for the future are, or if they even involve me. I know he loves me very much, he's wonderful to me... but I'm not beef industry option, my parents don't own a farm and make tons of money and I was born and raised in South Florida. It seems as though being myself is almost hurting myself... and I REFUSE to change any aspect about me.. ANYTHING. It took me 21 years to figure this much out and I will absolutely not bend.. I am who I am and I am what I am.. hate it or love it.
just a little frustrated at this point. |
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| dazed & confused |
[Mar. 21st, 2006|03:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
It feels like forever ;-) ..overall, no complaints--for once in my life! As the year rolls on, I can't help but to let little things bother me. For some reason, I look at his grammar and the way he spells rather than at him--get it? I don't know what I'm looking for at this point in my life. So many different opinions and so many different directions I could take. Am I in the right place right now? I thought I was perfectly lined up to face the rest of my life here at the University of Florida, but now, as Organic Chemistry kicks my ass, I wonder how much longer I can put up with this shit. It seems as though I should be making money, walking down the street with my high heels and power shades on. I wanna be the girl that just gives the look and makes everyone wonder and think about it for a while. A glance as a first impression--simple and sincere.
Perhaps that's what I'm working towards being; I often look for the easiest way to stand out above any other object or person around me. Often, it's not enough. I've been thinking about small things that really shouldn't make a difference but often bother me sooo much. I'd give my right arm to not care--my most infamous saying. Sometimes I wish I was a business major who had all the free time in the world. My days are empty but seem so busy and unfulfilled.
Jenny's wedding was absolutely beautiful. Sometimes I can't help but to think what's next in store for me. Being a bridesmaid is quite an honor, in my opinion--and let me say the least, Saturday was the best day and night of spring break. Well, I didn't catch the bouquet, but I was standing right next to Caralee when she did :-)
Lately I've been getting weird inspirations to be something absolutely great, and for once, not by my wit. My wit seems never good enough here at UF; they swear we're at Harvard or some shit ... geeezzz! I want to be great as far as appearance. It seems as though it's the only thing in my life that I have absolute control over. How much I eat, or don't eat or what I wear or don't wear. I like to be in control and I almost wish it would take over my train of thoughts, instead of worrying and not doing anything about it. I'd rather worry about myself than others is the simplest way to put it. Mark is absolutely wonderful :-) and he makes me feel like I'm so special to him--of course, I'm sure he knows just how special he is to me as well.
I feel energized, yet lazy at the same time. I want to do so much and it seems like school is actually slowing me down--as if it's a mean to no end.. yuck .. just gotta keep on keepin on |
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| i'm not worthy of social elites--my life is over ...right |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|01:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
Everything in my life up to this moment has come full circle. Even though some instances have taken longer than other--what goes around, truly does come back around. Ten years from now I hope you sit there gawking over my name and my success. Yes, you. You can sit there with your stupid little paddle of commitment to a social elite group of fake people and I'll be out there making it happen. That's my promise to you.
It bewilders me to the point beyond my control why there is a need for people to obsess over other people--in both positive and negative ways. If you meet someone in life who intrigues you and meshes with you, why would you ever push that person away? Do you realize what a dying breed normal, nice people are? On top of that--how about a normal, nice girl that can complete a sentence and knows how to spell. Honestly, that is not you--and you know it.
Among other things in life--my thoughts come full circle as well. Maybe everything is not suppose to make sense for the time being. But my time being will not be spent hating, as the rest of us feel compelled to do. My time being will be spent in love, in waiting, in hope, in trust, in respect, in dignity and in fighting for what I'm pursuing in life. I now understand why things are thrown at us in proportions, rather than all at once. If I was 15 and dealing with all this, I think I would've given up on life much too early to enjoy what I am still enjoying now.
With my eyes and heart wide open, this is gonna happen. Simply put--it's gonna happen; just watch me. |
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coyotecowgirl's journal